I’m gonna go ahead and admit something that a lot of people, Christian people, seem to have forgotten from the looks of social media: I’m not perfect. Far from perfect. Nowhere near perfect. Perfect is a dot in the distance…
You catch my drift.
This year, I have randomly dated more than ever. I guess the “glow-up” is finally in effect? Anyway, it has been AWFUL. Things have happened to me that I have only seen on TV. Like, where did this horrible men come from all of a sudden? Out of the men that I have dated this year, I can truly say I believe only one of them came close to breaking my heart, and not because of what he did. I had asked God not to bring any men across my path unless it was The One. And I was chillin’ up until March, when I met a guy randomly at the store. He was super cute, came from a great family, and had a little change in his pocket. He was everything I wanted…until he told me he was engaged to another woman the whole time. I felt used, like I was his “last fling before the ring,” but I oddly still felt like I wanted to be with him. Sick, huh? Well, homeboy got married, and I moved on to more terrible choices. The oddest thing happened, though, none of these men were able to break my heart. Yes, they hurt me, and some more than others, but my heart was never truly broken, and it wasn’t until I sat down with a friend for a catch-up session that I realized why…
My friend was trying to cheer me up, telling me that I deserve the best from God and people, and that I do so much for people, and then it dawned on me:
I find the people God has strategically placed in my life so important – my family, my close friends, people who I don’t even know who need help (poor, heartbroken, low self-esteem, generally unhappy, sick, etc.) – and their needs so pressing, that right now, dating seems a tad trivial. The boy/girl thing, the chase, the pining – it’s all pointless at the moment. Sure, I want to be a wife. I can’t wait (I can kinda wait) to be a mother. But at this moment, I am neither. Thus, at this moment, I can be entirely selfish with my time and decide who I give it to, and the citizens of this world are so important to me that if I want to, I can give them all the time I have without answering to anyone but God, and I feel like He’s OK with that.
There’s a song called “Hosanna” by Hillsong that says a line I have always loved: “Break my heart for what breaks Yours,” meaning “God, give me a passion for Your people and the world You created.” I sing that line with my eyes closed, really asking God for that. Well, be careful what you wish for! God has, especially in this year, awakened in me a new passion to give my time and attention to the things that are on His mind and in His heart.
No man who has nothing to do with my destiny has been able to break my heart because it is already sweetly broken for the best reasons.
As Christians, the Bible tells us to “stay alert,” and what that means is that we need to keep focused. The Enemy has no real powers: he’s not omnipresent, not omnipotent, and is completely powerless to do anything else but lie. Lest we forget, he was an angel whose sole job was to communicate. He can’t kill us, but he can confuse us so that we get off track. I find that one of the biggest ways he distracts us is to play on what got him kicked out of Heaven: our ego. If he can make us feel unimportant, he can really trap us into straying from our purpose.
I’m going to be honest; I can fall to this pretty easily. Recently, however, it hasn’t been working. One of my mentors told me that he has learned that one of the best things God can do is shelve us (put us in the background) to help us grow. Think about it: If you’re in the limelight all the time, you’re too busy to look around you. You can’t process things because you’re so overwhelmed with busyness. I know that I have been shelved in this season. But I have learned more than I ever have from sitting at the feet of people who are wiser and more learned than I am – my proverbial elders. Know where they are? In the background. They’ve had their time and now they’re looking at our generation. I want to know what they see. I want to learn the history of what they’ve experienced so I don’t repeat it.
So tonight, when I was (finally) cleaning my apartment, I opened a package with a shirt I had ordered from a Christian company called Bold Love
. I thought the shirt was really cool, and I noticed they had sent me an extra shirt, and there was a handwritten letter attached:
There is hope in Jesus Christ J. Know that in His Presence is fullness of joy. Be encourage(d) God sees you. I pray that you continually receive a revelation of Jesus’ love.
Live Bold. Love Bold. Bold Love.”
Be encouraged in this New Year. Stay focused. God sees you.
“She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” Genesis 16:13